As we examine a litany of social decay, hyper violent behavior, increased narcissism and the fathers natural place in the family being trumped by the individual autonomy of wife and child we end the conversation in a state of powerless. Indeed, women and children have been emancipated from the patriarchal authority of men and fathers and are both confused in their new roles. The necessary success of modern women has reduced the state of homeostasis in the home leaving many fathers useless. In the lower classes the father has been reduced to the state via the welfare system and in the homes of our educated households the father is subordinate to the economically emancipated woman.
With increased informational and communication technologies including cable, Internet, iPods, twitter, cell phones, MySpace and Facebook parental authority has defaulted to our children who now exist as gods in their own self created universe. It is a universe that we as parents have not mastered, cannot navigate in and certainly cannot compete with our children in. As the gap between the parent and child's mastery of technology increases the erosion of paternal authority does also. Establishing paternal authority early and clearly is the only way to control the child otherwise Frankenstein will roam beyond his creators control.
Having raised 3 children who were in their mid teens before everyone carried PC’s in their pocket, I narrowly escaped what parents today face routinely. The question is, how do we effectively balance the use of technologies without compromising and contributing to our own children’s diminished expectations? Technologies should be used to manage our children not determine their moral compass. We have prevented our children to enter the state of citizenship but yet transcend them directly to consumer status months out of the womb allowing the advertisers to capture them at infancy through television eliminating any last hope of paternal authority. The father need not be of Bill Gates status to feel empowered with technology, he simply needs to have a daily narrative of what is going on in the lives of his children and be a greater source of self esteem building, safety and vision than the technologies his child uses.
As fathers, our first job is to have a daily presence in the lives of our children. Although this is not always possible the availability of cell phones and Internet eliminate excuses not to utilize these technologies even as absentee fathers to maintain contact with our children. Even an unemployed father can access the Internet from the library and various retail outlets including the mall to email his children daily. From inspecting homework to reviewing online phone histories, to phones with GPS tracking and laptops and PC’s, to saying I love you daily, fathers that are not monitoring these systems are contributing to the failure to their own children. How many parents whose children are failing in school are not using email to hold triangular accountability between the teacher the child and the themselves on a consistent basis?
As fathers, it is our primary duty to teach our children to be as competent as possible as they grow so that we can be certain of their success later in life. Because that time is limited we must set expectations and then inspect those expectations at the earliest ages possible. Children need to be told day upon receipt that their cell phones, iPods, Facebook, MySpace and other technology tools are privileges not rights. Parents need to create with their children a bill of rights that clearly state that if these tools are used for sex, cheating, taunting, videotaping inappropriate behavior and any other predetermined negative behaviors the child including older teens will lose these privileges for a time already written in their bill of rights.
A better society comes from the quality of fruit we as parents produce in our children. We need not be overwhelmed by technology and we don’t have to be experts with technology to manage our children. Fathers who are present and in their homes are the best type of low tech technology invented. Fathers who institute low tech parameters will always succeed. These low tech technologies include; accountability, communication, expectations and inspection, order, law, limits and stability (which are all at the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs model). These fathers will raise children who can use and navigate in all technology universes immune to the pathologies and trappings of a faltering society. Fathers are the best immune systems for their children and families and we must commit a minimum of 6,570 days or 18 years to that task.
The writer Ray Davis Founder of Fatherhood 6570 can be reached at this blog or at Raydavisgroup@aol.com
Powerful commentary my friend!! There is clearly a direct correlation between the diminishing role of Fathers in lives of their children and the rise in & acceptance of behaviors in children that were either not seen or rarely seen in prior generations. You are on to something...keep it up
ReplyDeletepeace,