Fatherhood6570 EIGHT HABITS OF EXCELLENT AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDENTS

FATHERHOOD6570 8 HABITS OF EXCELLENT AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDENTS

The 8 habits below are the same habits I executed in my home with my 3 children. My oldest son is currently in a PhD program for Electrical Engineering / Nanotechnology. My daughter, a Spelman College graduate has been accepted to every medical school she has applied to and is pursuing medicine. My youngest son is a special needs student who will require parental care all of his life. I have added a bonus on caring for special needs children. I don’t share the information about my children to brag but to tell every parent ALL OF OUR CHILDREN ARE MASTERPIECES waiting to be developed. As my running narrative has maintained, what we do with our children daily for 18 years or 6,570 days as I constantly talk about determines their success. Our children are our canvas you as parents are the artist. Below are 8 steps to painting your masterpiece.

A world class education does not come from overpriced private schools, vouchers, designer clothes or gated communities. It comes from homes were love is defined as sacrifice, discipline, high expectations and frequent inspections. It demands an investment of daily regimen, constant nurturing and giving more of a commitment to our children than playstations, X boxes and our jobs. Below are the 8 Habits of Excellent African American Students and attached to each habit is a comprehensive resource guide for each topic.
Although this guide is user friendly to all children I have dedicated this to African American children due to the epidemic statistics they suffer nationally in our school systems.

8 HABITS OF EXCELLENT AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDENTS

1. NO TV AT ALL between Monday and Thursday, none. A child / teen gets home between 3:00pm and 5:00pm. A snack and dinner will require 1 hour. Give them 1 hour of down time but structure this time with choices of play. This free time could consist of activities such as checkers, reading, puzzles, writing, drawing, chess, board games, etc. I personally do not like video games but if you must a 30 minute limit should be in place. Two hours of uninterrupted focus should be for study and homework. Once homework is finished study begins. African Americans watch more television than any other group, just over 4 hours and 40 minutes per day. IMAGINE IF OUR CHILDREN STUDIED 4 HOURS A DAY.
TV facts

2. THE STUDY OR HOMEWORK ROOM should consist of no other sounds than jazz, cultural, classical music or silence. Give your child the choice. Listening to Jazz allows African American children to master their own musical heritage and focus on their work, not the music they would choose to listen to. Try to include a world map, globe, paper, writing utensils, glue, crayons, flashcards, calculators, etc., to make this room the official study room. The homework room can be any room in the house but dedicate it to your child’s education. Money is not a barrier as dollar stores have all of these items and lets be realistic how much money do we waste in athletic shoes, video games and designer clothes.

Study Skills Links & Resources
Fact Monster - A fun site with study tips, games, and more; Study Guides & Strategies - Tons of useful information; Academic Skills Center - Another site ...

3. DON'T RELY ON THE SCHOOL to provide all the education for your children. It is not the schools responsibility to love your child it is yours and love means priorities, discipline, goals, rules, manners, boundaries, respect. It is not you teachers job to raise your child, it is their job to teach them, if you have not given your child the basics, they are not teachable. When your children tell you they have no homework give them homework yourself; discuss a topic you and they share interest in and have them write a paper about it, then discuss it together. Use the Internet to locate learning activities that are both fun and educational. Ask the teacher to provide more homework in the future especially in areas that your child struggles in. SAT test can be taken over the Internet for free to increase your child's score and assist with college scholarship opportunities. Make sure you have your teachers email and be proactive, if you are only in contact with your teacher when their is a problem then that is a problem.

Super Teacher Worksheets - Free Printable Math Worksheets, Grammar ...
Free math worksheets, printable grammar sheets, multiplication facts practice, ... This page also includes reading comprehension activities. ...


4. FIND YOUR CHILD'S NATURAL APTITUDE because every child has a gift. Below is a general guide to various forms of intelligence. Give your children the chance to develop and cultivate these skills. When a child finds their gift's and you as a parent cultivates that gift it creates natural immunities because a high self esteem for your children protects them against peer pressure, premature sex, gangs, drugs and poor academic performance.

Multiple Intelligences
This page provides general background information about the theory of multiple intelligences, practical strategies for using the theory in learning and ...www.thomasarmstrong.com/multiple_intelligences.htm - Cached - Similar -natural
Linguistic intelligence ("word smart"):
Logical-mathematical intelligence ("number/reasoning smart")
Spatial intelligence ("picture smart")
Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence ("body smart")
Musical intelligence ("music smart")
Interpersonal intelligence ("people smart")
Intrapersonal intelligence ("self smart")
Naturalist intelligence ("nature smart")




5. SEND YOUR CHILDREN TO BED as early as 8:00am - 8:30pm for elementary students, 9:00pm - 9:30pm for middle students and 9:30pm - 10:30pm for high school students. My son and daughter missed 5 days total between them from the 1st through the 12th grade not because they are any healthier than any other children but because they simply got enough rest. This is critical for optimal mental and physical development. Lack of sleep is detrimental to learning and interferes with concentration and memory (which is why so many AA children are prescribed Ritalin.) Lack of sleep also weakens the immune system, can lead to higher occurrences of health problems and cause accidents.

The relationship of sleep on academic performance in adolescents
Jun 10, 2009 ... According to a research abstract that will be presented on Wednesday, June 10, at SLEEP 2009, the 23rd Annual Meeting of the Associated ...www.news-medical

6. SET GOALS AND EXPECTATIONS for your children that include weekly incentives and rewards. Do not wait on report cards to reward or discipline your child. With email there is no excuse in not communicating with your child's teacher. Provide weekly incentives for them. The rewards can include weekend use of Internet, video games, bowling, skating, allowances, etc. Have all of your child's teachers phone numbers and email addresses posted in a visible area in your home so that you can contact them biweekly.

goal setting for kids
We have produced a range of goal-setting sheets to appeal to all age-groups and hope you will find one to appeal to your children. Goal setting cards ...www.activityvillage.co.uk/goal_setting_for_kids.htm - Cached

7. A PEACEFUL HOME is mandatory for providing children a safe, secure and structured environment that allows your child to focus on his higher needs. Homes that have loud conflicts, domestic abuse, alcohol and drug use and a constant group of negative people in and out of the home reduces the ability of the child to succeed on any level. My youngest child is a special needs child* and operates at his best (like most children) when he feels safe, secure and valued. All positive behavior should be praised internalizing peace which creates the immunity of high self-esteem within your child.

Creating a Peaceful Home
A fresh look at this classic from which many self-help books were taken. ... What are some steps we can take to ensure that our home is as peaceful as possible? ... Establish rules and consequences for

8. A SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION must be established as early as possible for the above variables to work. Children and adults who have a spiritual void most often fill that void with materialistic addictions, negative peer assembly, premature sex and apathetic scholastic descent. I have two young adults who are currently finishing their college careers at two of the finest colleges in the country. I make this point with them; educational pedigree's, six figure salaries, vocational titles and luxury automobiles can't heal broken hearts, loss of loved ones, loneliness and illness. Unless you recognize an acknowledge that you have a creator and that it is you mission to honor him by daily deed, your world anointed certifications will be blown away leaving you naked when storms come. This is what I offer them, this is what I offer you.

Religion and Academic Achievement Among Adolescents
... demonstrates

9. BONUS HABIT, OUR SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN. As I mentioned, my youngest son is special needs, he operates between 3 and 5 years of age in intelligence and will always need an adult with him. To fathers of these children especially if they are boys I say this, if you abandon them they will not make it and it will severely impact them. If I am not working my special needs son is with me all the time and he is the greatest joy of my life. In brief, these children should be exposed to everything, malls, swimming, skating, music, family, bowling, movies, computers. Your special needs child has a talent it is your job to find it.

The Ultimate Guide to Special Needs Teaching: 100+ Resources and ...
Jun 25, 2008 ... Teaching Strategies and Pastoral Care: This detailed guide goes over ... Toys for Special Needs Children: Use

The writer, Ray Davis is founder of Fatherhood6570 and can be reached at this blog or by contacting Raydavisgroup@aol.com.

Fatherhood6570, Fatherhood and the Single Mother

Single mothers raising male and female children alone is obviously a problem. Single mothers raising sons alone are a disaster. This is not a condemnation of women but a call to action for the men who are the fathers of these children. The rise of gangs, high school drop outs, teenage pregnancies, incarceration rates and African American homicides are all evidence prime fascia that fathers need to be in their home for their children. Even though daughters suffer tremendously without their fathers they have the template of their mothers to model behavior after. Their son’s however have no such model and in having the mother as the only parent left to raise them are left to develop their psyche based solely off of their mother's model. This causes tremendous confusion in the very young male as his adoration of his mother places her at the center of her universe and simultaneously builds a subconscious resentment towards her for not providing him his father.

The daughter of course also suffers from her fathers absence. She needs to see her mother loved properly so that she builds trust in men and is able to choose a healthy male for herself one day. She also needs her fathers physical and emotional love which reduces her need for premature sex behavior, low self esteem and teenage pregnancy. Single mothers that have a revolving door of men in their homes guarantee that their daughters will permanently distrust all men thus lowering their standards. Their daughters will eventually become their mothers regenerating a cycle of fatherless homes. Children rarely do what we say but most often do what they see. Again, the child witnessing 6,570 days or 18 years of modeling of positive or negative behavior determines our children's fate. Their sons will treat other women as they have witnessed their own mothers being treated and eventually imitate their own father 's by preying on women spawning children they will abandon just like thier father's.

Without the father the daughter has no immune system for male predators. She often will seek daddy through men older that will take advantage of her sexually. Pregnancy at an early age starts the 15 year cycle where the child is 15, the mother is 30 and the grandmother is 45. Ironically, many times these women in the same family compete for the same man as none of them have entered adulthood because the prerequisite of maturation can only be taught by healthy parents. The insert below illustrates this example.

Mother and daughter fight over man who was sleeping with both ...
Oct 15, 2009 ... Mother and daughter fight over man who was sleeping with both ... mother and her daughter

The fatherhood deficit which in many cases is multi-generational has created homes and communities where we have normalized the unthinkable. My cousin who teaches school in one urban community has four students who are brothers that attend his elementary school. The brothers are all borderline special need students. Their legal names are Grand Marnier, Hennessey, Courvoisier and Bacardi. The tragic comedy of this spectacle oscillates the reader between laughter and despair. Projecting the future of these boys one is condemned to silence. Comprehending the motivation of the mother who named her sons after premium alcohol induces weak attempts of humor to the most sober reader. The boys are already compromised because of their special needs and a mother that apparently has has an unhealthy dependency on alcohol. With no sober father present and her chemical dependency we witness a recipe for disaster for why so many African American children fall victim to the system. Indeed, on any given day nearly 23 percent of African American males who have dropped out of school between the ages of are in jail, prison or a juvenile justice system according to the Center for Labor Market Studies.

Males without fathers often stay in a suspended animation of boyhood for the rest of their adult lives defaulting to selfishness, sex without commitment and will become the fathers that their father were; absent, inattentive and reckless. These males project their own self-hatred because of their fathers absence onto the children they will have but never raise effectively destroying self vicariously through abandoning their own children. The maintenance of denial requires single mothers to believe they can raise males alone. Unfortunately, especially in the African American community, we make myth of the great single African American mother who has beaten the odds with her children. If this myth was the rule and not the exception the African American child would not be at the bottom of all leading danger indexes.

Single mothers can and must help their sons even without their fathers present. Some strategies they can take are to:

Only date men who have committed relationships with their own children
Do everything in your power not to end the relationship
Join churches that have male mentoring
Place children in activities that have male adults
Never criticize their fathers in front of them
Use media to let them watch males who are positive role models
Encourage when possible that the father talks to them daily and sees them at least once a week
Use the Internet for strategies

The job of two parents together is very difficult, with one parent it is often overwhelming.We first must admit and acknowledge to ourselves that our children are missing half of what they need. In acknowledging that we are more moved to do something about it. There are stories of success among single mothers and single mothers have an obligation to find what the ingredients of those stories were and duplicate them for the success of their own children. Most of all this again is a call for men to be present every day in the lives of their children relieving our women of single parenthood and eliminating the massive love deficits we have created in our children. Fathers are the only solution.

The writer Ray Davis Founder of Fatherhood 6570 can be reached at this blog or at Raydavisgroup@aoil.com

Fatherhood6570, Fatherhood and Hip Hop

The meteoric rise of Hip Hop over the past thirty years is directly correlated to the absence of fathers in the African American community. This is not a criticism of Hip Hop but a perspective of why much of the music is so angry, misogynistic, consumer driven and violent. These males suffering a massive love deficit try to fill the void with lyrics that amplify how they feel and view the world. African American males have less fathers in the home today then they did in slavery.* The fatherhood deficit that is pandemic in African American homes and is even approaching high levels in White households leaving a painful void that desperately needs to be filled by these males. Hip Hop offers them a community of escape denial and hope. While the traditional paths of underprivileged males allowed sports to be the source for escape, venting and communal need, Hip Hop’s generous filter allows more young males into the sport of Hip Hop as it does not require athletic gifts, rigorous practice and adult authority in the realm of male coaches.

I want to briefly examine four of Hip Hops leading lights of Rap music to show the pain that the absence of fatherhood causes forever and how that pain is therapeutically released through the music. Here we look at the music of Foxy Brown, Biggie, Tupac and Jay Z who have all contributed songs that are directed at their absentee fathers. Beyond the incredibly potent lyrics after reading this article we immediately see why Hip Hop is such a powerful force in the abscence of fathers in our homes.

Foxy Brown’s, My Life
Uh, confused, I ain't asked to be born
Nigga so dumb, shoulda used a condom
Ask mommy every day, when daddy gon' come?
But he never showed up

Lack of love had me fallin' for thugs
The niggas who ain't care, just like Daddy
If he ain't care, why should they?
For this 'high price' life, it's the price I pay

Tupac, Papa’s Song
Had to play catch by myself, what a sorry sight
A pitiful plight, so I pray for a starry night
Please send me a pops before puberty
the things I wouldn't do to see a piece of family unity
Moms always work, I barely see her
I'm startin to get worried without a pops I'll grow to be her
It's a wonder they don't understand kids today
so when I pray, I pray I'll never grow to be that way

Moms had to entertain many men
Didn't wanna do it but it's time to pay the rent again
I'm gettin a bit older and I'm startin to be a bother
Moms can't stand me cause I'm lookin like my father
Should I stay or run away, tell me the answer
Moms ignores me and avoids me like cancer

Biggie Smalls, Suicidal thoughts
When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell
Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell
It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit the goodie-goodies
Dressed in white, I like black Tims and black hoodies

All my life I been considered as the worst
Lyin' to my mother, even stealin' out her purse
Crime after crime, from drugs to extortion
I know my mother wished she got a fuckin' abortion
She don't even love me like she did when I was younger
Suckin' on her chest just to stop my fuckin' hunger
I wonder if I died, would tears come to her eyes?
Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies

Jay Z, Where have you been
I wanted to walk just like him (remember?)
wanted to talk just like him (word)
often momma said I look too much
and I thought just like him (it could happen)
wanted to drink Miller nips
and smoke Newports just like you
but you left me, now I'm goin to court just like you
I would say "my daddy loves me and he'll never go away"
bullshit, do you even remember December's my birthday?
do you even remember the tender boy
you turned into a cold young man
with one goal and one plan
get mommy out of some jam, she was always in one
always short with the income
always late with the rent
You said that you was comin through
I would stay in the hallway (waitin)
always playin the bench (waitin)
and that day came and went
Fuck You! very much you showed me the worst kind of pain
but I'm stronger and trust me I will never hurt again
will never ask mommy "why daddy don't love me?
Why is we so poor?, why is life so ugly?
Mommy why is your eyes puffy?"
please don't cry everything'll be alright
I know it's dark now, but we gon' see the light
It's us against the world
we don't need him, right? (right)

Ray Davis’s summary: These lyrics are a veritable national anthem of artist's from fatherless homes echoing the pain, alienation and self-hatred of abandonment by their fathers. I leave you here to reflect on these lyrics by multi-million dollar celebrities that in spite of their status suffer the greatest deficit America faces today, the love deficit between father and child. As the lyrics testify the damage is permanent and it lives in their children for the rest of their lives. If you as a father have abandoned, neglected or not acknowledged your child you can be sure that they feel what these artist have spoken. Fathers, it is never too late to acknowledge your child and in saving your child you ultimately save yourself.

*During the days of slavery a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents than he or she is today.
Andrew J. Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, rev. and enl. ed., (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1992), 110 . See also Herbert G. Gutman, The Black Family in Slavery and Freedom, 1750-1925 (New York: Pantheon, 1976). For a review of this and similar studies see Stanley L. Engerman, "Black Fertility and Family Structure in the U.S. 1880-1940," Journal of Family History 2 (Summer 1977): 177ff. Cited in The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher page 117

The writer Ray Davis Founder of Fatherhood 6570 can be reached at this blog or at Raydavisgroup@aoil.com

Fatherhood6570, Controlling technologies so they don’t control our children

As we examine a litany of social decay, hyper violent behavior, increased narcissism and the fathers natural place in the family being trumped by the individual autonomy of wife and child we end the conversation in a state of powerless. Indeed, women and children have been emancipated from the patriarchal authority of men and fathers and are both confused in their new roles. The necessary success of modern women has reduced the state of homeostasis in the home leaving many fathers useless. In the lower classes the father has been reduced to the state via the welfare system and in the homes of our educated households the father is subordinate to the economically emancipated woman.

With increased informational and communication technologies including cable, Internet, iPods, twitter, cell phones, MySpace and Facebook parental authority has defaulted to our children who now exist as gods in their own self created universe. It is a universe that we as parents have not mastered, cannot navigate in and certainly cannot compete with our children in. As the gap between the parent and child's mastery of technology increases the erosion of paternal authority does also. Establishing paternal authority early and clearly is the only way to control the child otherwise Frankenstein will roam beyond his creators control.

Having raised 3 children who were in their mid teens before everyone carried PC’s in their pocket, I narrowly escaped what parents today face routinely. The question is, how do we effectively balance the use of technologies without compromising and contributing to our own children’s diminished expectations? Technologies should be used to manage our children not determine their moral compass. We have prevented our children to enter the state of citizenship but yet transcend them directly to consumer status months out of the womb allowing the advertisers to capture them at infancy through television eliminating any last hope of paternal authority. The father need not be of Bill Gates status to feel empowered with technology, he simply needs to have a daily narrative of what is going on in the lives of his children and be a greater source of self esteem building, safety and vision than the technologies his child uses.

As fathers, our first job is to have a daily presence in the lives of our children. Although this is not always possible the availability of cell phones and Internet eliminate excuses not to utilize these technologies even as absentee fathers to maintain contact with our children. Even an unemployed father can access the Internet from the library and various retail outlets including the mall to email his children daily. From inspecting homework to reviewing online phone histories, to phones with GPS tracking and laptops and PC’s, to saying I love you daily, fathers that are not monitoring these systems are contributing to the failure to their own children. How many parents whose children are failing in school are not using email to hold triangular accountability between the teacher the child and the themselves on a consistent basis?

As fathers, it is our primary duty to teach our children to be as competent as possible as they grow so that we can be certain of their success later in life. Because that time is limited we must set expectations and then inspect those expectations at the earliest ages possible. Children need to be told day upon receipt that their cell phones, iPods, Facebook, MySpace and other technology tools are privileges not rights. Parents need to create with their children a bill of rights that clearly state that if these tools are used for sex, cheating, taunting, videotaping inappropriate behavior and any other predetermined negative behaviors the child including older teens will lose these privileges for a time already written in their bill of rights.

A better society comes from the quality of fruit we as parents produce in our children. We need not be overwhelmed by technology and we don’t have to be experts with technology to manage our children. Fathers who are present and in their homes are the best type of low tech technology invented. Fathers who institute low tech parameters will always succeed. These low tech technologies include; accountability, communication, expectations and inspection, order, law, limits and stability (which are all at the bottom of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs model). These fathers will raise children who can use and navigate in all technology universes immune to the pathologies and trappings of a faltering society. Fathers are the best immune systems for their children and families and we must commit a minimum of 6,570 days or 18 years to that task.

The writer Ray Davis Founder of Fatherhood 6570 can be reached at this blog or at Raydavisgroup@aol.com